Gather 'round, children
And I'll tell you a tale
Of a Skeleton-Boy,
Who was bony and pale

Now, for the first part of our story
It was all fun and games,
But at the end of act one, we see
That everything changes

Skeleton Boy gets kidnapped,
By the prince of all darkness.
It is from classic trickster mythology
That this storyline harkens

So now it's up to Skeleton Boy
To get out of this fix
And find a way to outsmart
His captors with tricks

So prepare for the fantastical mischief in:

***


SKELETON BOY SAVES HIS SKIN
By Thomas Boguszewski


Deep underground there was a boy who was dead.
Then out of the ground popped his skeleton head
He pulled his dead body up through all the red stone,
And sat, his head rattling, upon his old headstone.

Skeleton Boy wanted to have fun,
So he took to his heels and had a good run.

Skeleton Boy was hungry, and he saw a big rabbit
So he set up a trap, in order to nab it.

Once the rabbit was caught, he made it into a stew,
But since he was bones, it fell right on through.

Soon after that, he returned to his tricks,
He painted himself brown to look like a pile of sticks.

He started a fire and hid in the smoke.
Yet still there was more to this intricate joke.

He cupped up his hands, and called to a pheasant:
"Come jump in the fire! It feels quite pleasant!"

The pheasant looked up:  "I think I misunderstood"

"Well, look. I'm okay, and I'm dry pieces of wood"

"Well, okay." Said the pheasant,
and over he came.
And with no hesitation,
He jumped into the flames.

Skeleton Boy laughed for hours,
And a day, And a week.
This was the kind of great fun that he seeked.

He played jokes on the birds.
He frightened the bees.
He messed with the water, the rocks, and the trees.

Now, when he was joking, a couple folks died.
They were pushing up daisies,
They just weren't alive.

Most went to heaven, and they were doing quite well.
Except for this one guy... who went straight to hell.

***

Down there he met Satan,
Living fine in his heck-hole.
But he surely was curious
About the high death-toll.

"Tell me," he said
"Who's making you all dead?
If you tell me this fact,
You can keep the skin on your head"

"There's a boy, he's a skeleton, just a pile of bones!"
Cried the newly-dead gentleman, in terrified tones.

The devil was interested. He stroked his chin with his hand.
And then began hatching his dastardly plan.

He wanted to meet this bony post-mortal,
So he quickly departed via transdimensional portal.

Skeleton Boy, in his coffin, was quietly nappin'
Unaware of the things that were going to happen

When he woke up he saw hooves! And a tail, and wings!
Not to mention a bunch of other devilish things!

He said "whattcha want?"
But he hadn't a prayer.
The devil just smiled,
He could tell he was scared.

The devil said, "You're dead,
That's plain to see!
But you're too bad for heaven,
So now you're coming with me."

***
***

Satan took Skeleton Boy on a terrible ride.
He conjured a cage, and threw him inside.

Deeper and deeper and deeper they fell,
And Skeleton Boy saw from inside of his cell
All of the various tortures of hell:

The terrible sight of a hideous spirit.
Skeleton Boy had reason to fear it.

There were dragons, and monsters, and hideous demons.
There was blood, there was gore, there was yelling and screamin'

There was a pit where they threw you to be eaten by ants.
There was a guy with a fiddle who forced you to dance.

You could be injured and prodded,
Devoured by maggots
They would blow smoke in your face
And burn you with faggots

And Dante was right, perdition has levels
But they also have a motorbike gang called "hell's devils".

But the bikers and insects
And that guy with the fiddle
All of the monsters, both giant and little.

...All of them got quiet when they got to the middle.

***

Skeleton Boy was nervous,
and that's to say the least.
Who wouldn't be a bit afraid
To stand beneath the beast?

But Skeleton Boy had a trick up his sleeve,
A trick that, he hoped, would allow him to leave.

They sat there for a while, and when they were alone
Satan declared from atop of his throne:

"Boy, you've got skills, and those skills are mad.
You're wild and rambunctious, You're just plain bad.

"You have a gift for mischief and pranks,
with time I am sure you will rise through the ranks.

"And that's why, my friend, I have made this endeavor
To keep you down here in damnation forever"

"But what if I don't want to?"
Skeleton Boy said with a shout.
"What if you scare me?
What if I want out?"

"Here's the thing," Satan said,
with a laugh in his voice
"The funny part is you don't have a choice."

And with that, oh, that devil.
He put Skeleton Boy to work.
And he used all his talents
at being a jerk

But Skeleton Boy didn't want to cause pain.
All that he'd wanted was to play little games.

He'd just wanted to live a long afterlife
And maybe settle down with a skeleton wife

So while all the guards were off committing murder and rape
Skeleton Boy initiated his plan to escape.

***

Skeleton Boy called out:  "Now you listen here!
You've kept me in hell for over a year!
Let me talk to the devil, let me see Satan!
Seriously, people.  Come on, don't be hatin'"

There was a flutter of wings, and the smell of hot fire.
And suddenly he was met with Beelzebub's ire
He stood overhead, like a shadow with horns.
And looked down on our boy with contemptuous scorn.

"Yes?" Satan said, or rather, he growled.
But Skeleton Boy didn't throw in the towel
He had to grow up, be a skeleton man,
And execute phase one of his escape plan.

"This place," said the boy,
"Isn't torture at all.
It's boring, and painless,
and exceedingly small"

"Perhaps if you wish to give me more room
You can cause me some real anguish and doom."

The devil prickled his pointy-tipped ears
Had Skeleton Boy gone crazy with fear?
The young one was mad.  Satan couldn't believe it.
But since it was asked...  well, then he would receive it!

"Perhaps" Satan said, "we change your mouth for your money
And afterwards, see, if you still think you're funny
I'll come up with some tortures both ghastly and vile!
I might have you sucked on by leeches a while"

[Satan was excited, he was ready to play,
but Skeleton Boy had one more thing to say:

"Also, promise me, prince of darkness, as the flames of hell burn
That once you send me away I will never return."

"I promise you, child!  Boy, you must be a fool!
Everyone knows I'm the king of the cruel!
Your spine will tingle and your bones will crack
I guarantee that you'll never come back!"]

So, laughing maniacally, Satan sent him away
On a trip that lasted seven years and a day.

But don't fear, little children,
The straits weren't really so dire
In fact this here was just the thing
That Skeleton Boy required

For the devil had not come along on the trip
So Skeleton Boy made the most of this slip

Finally they arrived in a special hell sector,
For the worst of the sinners.
Hitler, Stalin, and Lecter

There was an area for corpses, they called it the mortuary
There was a jail as well, and a specialized torture-area

And when they finally got to the deepest part of ring 7,
The one place in the universe that's farthest from heaven,
The demons all grinned with a villainous joy
And then they began working on skeleton boy.

***

This time now was Skeleton Boy's darkest hour
He was with a group of monsters, exposed to their power

Then the demons then began to follow Satan's instructions
From a list of various deaths and destructions

The demons all laughed, while the flames of hell burned,
They would each torture skeleton boy, Going in turns

First went Pierre, A devilish cook.
He had a French accent,
Demeanor, and look.

"A la cuisine!" said the plump Gallic beast
As he tantalized Skeleton Boy with a magical feast

But Skeleton Boy just sighed,
And said "that's really quite rude,
Since I don't have a stomach,
But you offer me food"

"Sacre bleu" said the demon,
And away he was sped,
His fluffy white Chef's hat
Falling off of his head.

After that they set up a horrid display
Of cadavers, corpses, remains, and decay

But when he looked at the skulls,
Skeleton Boy didn't go batty,
Instead he felt open, social, and chatty.

And so all of the skulls told jokes and tall tales,
Despite being stabbed, speared, spoked and impaled.

Therefore another torture was not up to snuff,
So the demons bombarded Skeleton Boy with more stuff.

There was a demonic magician,
Who put Skeleton Boy in a box.
And he covered it with buckles,
Chains, ropes, and locks.

But this was a mistake that they couldn't foresee
Did they think Skeleton Boy wouldn't have a skeleton key?

There were specialists for sin,
Like lust, envy, and vice.
And a tall demon gambler,
Who played with the dice.

He said "roll 'dem bones"
But that's not what he meant to say
Because skeleton boy just smiled
And he said "okay"

And then he disassembled
And rolled quickly away

Chuckling to himself:
"Hip-hip-hooray"

***

He rolled out of Hell...

He rolled up Mount Purgatorio...

And he rolled into Heaven...

Is this the end of our story?

...No

He rolled out of Heaven with a basket of fruit.
Some halos, ambrosia, and other heavenly loot

And he came then, at last
To a big mahogany door
Through which he could enter the land of the living
Once more.

Skeleton Boy was now ready,
He took a bite of an orange
And calmly, yet confidently,
He threw open the door hinge.

***